then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
