I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
