Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
