It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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