Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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