I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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