It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
