even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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