i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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