Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
