I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
