do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
