I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
