my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
