You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize