So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
