dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
