god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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