There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
