Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
