I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
