I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Come see our sink grown plant.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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