I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
