god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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