we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
