i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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