Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
