Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
