dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
