I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
