If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
