he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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