I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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