Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize