my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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