Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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