I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize