then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize