Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
