Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
