There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
