Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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