Just fell off a train. Bad.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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