Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
