He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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