Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think i have two assholes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
