apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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