I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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