He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
