you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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