I bet he comes in French.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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