there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
