his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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