that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
