I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
