There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
