Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
