i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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