it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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