I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
