you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
