Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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