i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
