The maid of honor just puked.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize