i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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