UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
