fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
