yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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