but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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