so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize