His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
